March Madness Picks

Like just about everyone I know, I'm in a bunch of different March Madness pools this year. It gets to the point where you just start making picks because you did the opposite on a different bracket. I've invested a modest amount of money in these projects, but the only return I expect is the abstract pleasure of keeping score; that, I suppose, and the 5-10% chance that I'll actually win something.

Anyway, this is the first time in the history of March Madness that I've had a sports blog, and I figure it's the right location for my real, uncompromised predictions about college basketball. I repeat, here are my actual predictions, based on upwards of 2-3 hours of vague thinking about this topic without any real dedication.

I'm not going to reproduce a whole bracket, but just go from the Sweet 16 onwards. So, to wit:

MIDWEST
Kansas
Michigan State
Georgetown
Ohio State

WEST
Syracuse
Butler
Xavier
Kansas State

SOUTH
Duke
Texas A&M
Baylor
Villanova

EAST
Kentucky
Wisconsin
New Mexico
West Virginia

Final Four
Kansas
Kansas State
Baylor
Kentucky

Championship
Kansas over Kentucky

MILES:

SWEET SIXTEEN

MIDWEST
Kansas
Michigan State
Georgetown
Ohio State

WEST
Syracuse
UTEP
Xavier
Kansas State

SOUTH
Duke
Utah State
Baylor
St. Mary's

EAST
Kentucky
Wisconsin
Washington
West Virginia

ELITE EIGHT

MIDWEST
Kansas
Georgetown

WEST
Syracuse
Kansas St.

SOUTH

Dukee

Baylor

EAST
Wisconsin
West Virginia

FINAL FOUR
Kansas
Kansas State
Duke
West Virginia

Championship
Kansas over Duke

The Hirsute of Greatness

In the long, storied history of Major League Baseball, a number of handsome, heroic-looking men have taken the field in pursuit of glory and/or a big, fat paycheck, depending on the player and the era. 

Kevin Youkilis is not one of them.

It’s the rare occasion I agree with Matt Taibbi, but his devastating description of Youkilis’ unfortunate physical appearance, which ran in Men’s Journal last year, is, as the Pulitzer committee would say, spot on. Allow me to quote in full:

Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit. At the plate he disgustingly gushes sweat by some means previously unknown to science in which the moisture travels upward along his body, racing in a cascade from his balls and armpits up his neck, over his head, and back down over the bill of his helmet to shower the plate. Whereas a guy like Teixeira was born with a swing so gorgeous you want to paint it, Youkilis fighting a middle reliever to a nine-pitch walk looks like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine.

Suffice to say, despite his cameo in Milk Money, Youkilis will never be mistaken for Ed Harris, the star of the film. 

As ballplayers go, though, Youkilis is one of the better ones. His at-bats, usually drawn out over 5 or 10 tense minutes, are at once admirable and effective, sapping the opposing pitcher of valuable energy and patience. Not to mention the hurler’s sacrosanct pitch count. I'm not going to front: Youkilis is a ball player, plain and simple, and I respect his game. (I still maintain he was a more worthy AL MVP candidate, in 2008, than teammate Dustin Pedroria). If it weren’t for his ugly mug and Lou Albino facial hair, I’d gladly welcome Youkilis on the Yankees, a team for which handsomeness, manscaping and musculature are requirements for position players seemingly on par with OPS, UZR and WARP. While that particular pipedream will most likely never come to pass, I can still enjoy Youk from a far, unlike the fackers over here who harbor an irrational, albeit good-humored, hatred of the man known in parts up North simply as Youk. 

Although, like most baseball fans, I recognize Youkilis' immense talents, what I admire most about him, I think, is the fact that he seems to take his Neanderthal-like looks in knuckle-dragging stride. "It is what it is," he once said, although, in fairness, he could have been talking about anything, from a league-imposed preseason trip to Japan to his recent dust up with Tigers pitcher--and Jersey native--Rick Porcello. His looks, or total lack thereof, are the last thing on his mind. To wit, this season, Youkilis is letting fans decide how he should shape his man-bush for only a buck a vote.

I actually love this idea. Although not my particular cup of tea, facial hair-- like Cracker Jacks, Tim McCarver, the Wave, and HGH--is, for better of for worse, a longstanding baseball tradition. We might as well embrace it, even if the idea of coming into contact with Youkilis' sweaty, hairy maw is about as appealing as a day-night double header in Pittsburgh. At present, I'm leaning toward No. 2, which just screams "man with a van,"and would probably prohibit Youkilis' re-entrance into the United States after a weekend series against the Jays.  

Proceeds go to Youk’s foundation, Hits for Kids, a worthy cause. 

BEN:

I'm late in responding to this post because I've been away in Florida, during which time I caught the first 7 innings of the Sox' spring training game against the Rays. For those who haven't experienced it, it will come as no surprise that spring training baseball can be a pretty desultory affair: a very pleasant outdoor atmosphere, peanuts and cracker jacks, and, by and large, a game whose outcome doesn't matter, and form which the big-name players depart by the third inning. And I will say that that's mostly how it felt: a relaxing afternoon, but not really a traditional sports experience.

But one player, even in the senior-citizen-laden, low-impact environment like this one, cannot fail to rouse a passionate fan response: Kevin Youkilis. As quiet as the crowd was, each time Youk came to bat, he was greeted by a full stanza worth of rehearsed, coordinated chanting, culiminating in the loudly bellowed word "Youkilis." Apparently the low and lusty bass notes of "Yooooouuk" weren't enough.

Why bring this up? Because, no matter how focused he may be on grinding out at bats, there is simply no way Youkilis could've missed this chant. He may not have understood it--I certainly didn't--but he had to know it was intended for him. And when you're a public figure, what choice do you really have? You've got to embrace your image.

So it's comforting to hear that Youkilis is embracing the baseball world's odd relationship to his physical appearance. Yours is not the first Boston-hating voice to speak up on the subject of Youk's yeti-ish mien. And it's not hard for me to see why he'd be totally infuriating to all but the Boston faithful. As I've said to friends before, Youkilis is far and away the baseball player most likey to bring a pet tarantula to the clubhouse. This is somehow apparent from the way he runs. And I can't explain it any better than that.

I must disagree with your friend Mr. Taibbi about one thing: Youkilis is defined by his massive ass, not his belly. I'm actually not even convinced he *has* a belly; only the extreme front of his ass. But I suppose this is a digression.

As for the facial hair? I'll say mustache, which is really the only inspired choice on the board. I'll take my act over to Hits for Kids and see if I can't make this happen.

Use this Space to Hype the Fact That Athletes Work Out

This morning's pie-eyed story about Red Sox pitching prospect Casey Kelly, along with the NY Post's assiduous coverage of the Yankees' evening of pre-teen entertainment, is a reminder that the time has dawned for pointless stories about people getting ready.

I love baseball as much as the next--usually more, in fact--and I have I'm extremely excited to go see my first-ever Spring Training baseball game in Fort Myers next week. But it's good to keep in mind that every spring we read the same stories--players having lost weight, trying out a new pitch, or even just "feeling good"--and they are not predictive of...anything.

The fantasy blog RotoWire kept a good list of last year's so-called Spring Training Cliches, a nice thing to revisit a year later. Here are some of my favorite useless stories from this time last year:

*Last spring: Brian Bruney looked fit. During the season: saw his ERA spike by 2 runs and was demoted from 8th inning duties. Gave up 2 runs on 3 hits while recording just one out in his only postseason appearance.

*Last spring: Jacoby Ellsbury looked "jacked". During the season: saw his home runs decrease from 9 to 8; doubles went from 22 to 27.

*Last spring: Francisco Liriano worked on his changeup. During the season: Went 5-13 with a 5.80 ERA.

Lord knows there were others. So far this season, we've got Casey Kelly retiring three Boston College baseball players in order, and Boof Bonser feeling healthy except for a blister. Look out, world.

I'll do my best to keep a running list of things that athletes have been doing in the offseason. We can turn back to this post around the All-Star break and see what hindsight yields.

MILES:

Cabalitto!

Wait till Next Year

I'm going to go ahead and say it--this year's Celtics don't have it. Not enough Garnett, not enough Pierce. Ray Allen and Rondo can't do it alone. I think it's nice that Danny Ainge tried, bringing in Nate Robinson, and maybe that experiment will work out. Hey--never say never. But last night's fold in the 3rd and 4th quarters against Cleveland was a reminder of something we've been seeing for two months now: this team does not have the energy to persevere when the going gets tough.

They're still fun to watch, particularly Rondo, who now seems destined for many years of stardom, but they're a dark horse right now. The Lakers, Magic, Mavs, Cavs, Nuggets--I wouldn't feel good about my team in a seven-game series with any of them. With that in mind, I thought it would be worth a look, however unpleasant, at what the future holds for this time.

The Celtics are a long way from having a Knicks-style bidding war this coming summer. Even with Ray Allen's expensive contract coming off their books, the C's don't have much wiggle room. They'll have to decide whether to re-sign Allen, how much money to give to Pierce, who is all but untouchable in the eyes of the fans, and how to fill out their roster with the limited funds they have leftover. Will Allen agree to come back for a reduced paycheck? Is Nate Robinson worth another $4-$5 million? And which scrubs will replace Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine for half the money?

We know Pierce and Garnett will be around, probably until they retire. Rondo and Rasheed Wallace aren't going anywhere either. But whither Glen Davis, whose contract is up after next year? And will the team bring back the useful Marquis Daniels? I hope we'll see more of Daniels, and less of Davis, whose attitude and trouble against taller players seem like serious demerits. I also hope the team has the financial creativity to bring in a quality player in the rich free agent market this summer, and has a solid draft. This was a great team for almost two years, but we've always known it might not be pretty in the end. And I'm worried that the cracks are starting to show.

MILES:

You think the Celtics have problems? The Knicks haven't won since February 3, the last time Al Harrington passed up a shot.

OK. The Knicks pulled one out last night. They are now 1-3 since McGrady joined the team. Even more troubling than the record, though, is Gallinari's gradual regression. In four games with McGrady, Gallo's averaging a pathetic 6.75 points a game on just six shots. He's made one three pointer in 142 minutes. The Knicks' offense has become almost exclusively Lee, Harrington and McGrady, with Gallinari hanging out on the wings--a frustrating combination of his teammates' selfishness and Gallo's reluctance to call for the ball.

As for the Celts, I really wouldn't worry too much. Rondo, Pierce and Perkins make for a very solid core, while Garnett, even on one leg, is better than 75 percent of the league's power forwards. If I were Danny Ainge, I'd let Ray Allen walk, re-sign Marquis Daniels (I'm pretty sure the Celts own his Bird rights) and offer Mike Miller the mid-level exemption. There are good options in the draft, too. Ainge could either go big (Dexter Pittman) or draft a back up point guard, like Kalin Lucas or Sherron Collins.

Nate is not worth the long-term investment. Like not at all. I'm so relieved I don't have to get worked up about him anymore. I can now focus my animosity exclusively on Al Harrington.

BEN:

I think this weekend's loss to the Nets kind of puts an exclamation point on things. I've been persuaded for a while now that real coaching happens on the court, in basketball even more than in other sports, and the loss of Garnett's intensity, which seemed to get injured along with his knee, has turned this into a MUCH weaker team. I don't mind Doc Rivers--the players seem to like him and want to make him happy--but he's just not enough to take a team over the top by himself.

After that embarrassment, which I will remind our readers took place at home, there is bound to be some scrutiny. We've all been waiting for the playoffs before we start getting interested, especially since there have been injuries all year. But now there is pressure to perform. Daniels, Wallace, and Robinson need to start scoring; Pierce and Garnett need to get healthy, and Ray Allen needs to improve his consistency. If those things happen, there is plenty of hope left for this team. But if they don't respond to some media pressure now, it's not going to happen later either.

I love Collins' energy, and would love to see him in green next year. But I think the lack of a scoring big man is a huge problem for the second unit. Glen Davis should be a mid-range jump shooter who hustles for rebounds, not a back-to-the-basket forward; and Rasheed Wallace needs to stop teeing off three-pointers, or at least needs to start making them. Perkins is an acquired taste, but I have come to love his game. Still, the C's don't have a legitimate low-post scoring threat when Garnett is on the bench--which is to say, 15 minutes a game. I am worried about Pittman's toughness, but the draft always provides hope, as long as you aren't picking up J.R. Giddens.

The Knicks will be fine; better than fine a year from now. They probably won't make the playoffs, and it will be a shame that their 1% chance of drafting John Wall will belong to another team. But you are going to be buying season tickets when Dwyane Wade is in the house next November. And Al Harrington will disintegrate into thin air, like a K-Mart sneaker.

Open Trade Post

With so much swirling around about the NBA trading deadline, I think maybe it's best to just keep a running dialogue here.

Some thoughts:

*I think the Knicks are going to land McGrady, AND shed Jeffries' contract. But I'm not sure they can beat out the Bulls in this competition without giving up their 2012 pick. Is it the right move? If they get a one of the top three free agents this summer--Wade, Carmelo, or LeBron--then yes. Even if they don't land a second max contract, I think they can use their free money to reconstitute an effective team around their go-to guy. If they get burned this summer, though, YIKES. They'll have to spend money just to fill out a lineup card every night. And being without a #1 pick until 2013 is not good.

*This business about Nate Robinson coming to the Celtics. It may happen, but I don't like it. I know he has energy and isn't expensive, but I have never liked Robinson, either for his attitude or his style of play. This is a team that needs to play good defense and work together, and while it's possible that Robinson will stir things up in a good way, I don't want to feel depressed every time he jacks up a 35-footer just because he can. Win or lose, I just don't like the way he plays.

*For whatever it's worth, I think the Cavs should sit tight rather than trade for Jamison.

MILES:

Thanks for creating a new post. The other one was getting unwieldy.

As for the Knicks, if Walsh can protect the 2012 pick, I'm 100 percent behind the move. If he can't, I'm 95 percent behind it. His plan has always been to free up enough cap space to go hard after free agents this summer. If he unloads Jeffries, well, mission accomplished, Jordan Hill be damned. It's nice to see Walsh double down on his ability to land the league's biggest names.

Even if he fails to sign two max free agents, or even one, he can still field a competitive team, one that is far superior than this current Knicks bunch. It really is an impressive list of talent. To wit: Luke Ridnour, Marcus Camby and Udonis Haslem would work well with Douglas, Chandler and Gallo. Although it's far, far from ideal, I don't see anything wrong with having a ton of cap space moving forward, even at the expense of future picks. Being over the cap was basically the root of the organization's problems, dating all the way back to the Ewing trade. Having to trade dollar-for-dollar really limits a team's ability to improve. Walsh understands this. I trust him to sign the right players at the right price. He's not Isiah.

I'm happy to see Nate go, if the rumored trade does in fact go through, as expected. He's going to drive you crazy, and will probably single-handedly cost Boston about as many games as he wins them. But if the price is only House and a 2nd round pick, it's worth Ainge taking a shot.

The Cavs should stand pat. I think Danny Ferry is freaking out about LeBron leaving.

By the way, if Steve Kerr trades Stoudemire for J.J. Hickson, Z's expiring contract and a pick, he deserves to get fired.

For the record, Carmelo is not a free agent this summer.

I don't know what to make of this update via Chris Sheridan:

Lots of info and misinformation out there regarding the potential Nate Robinson-to-Boston trade. I have been told there are many moving parts, with some of the principals mentioned as coming to New York including Marquis Daniels, Bill Walker, J.R. Giddens and possibly Eddie House. Robinson's base-year compensation status is a complicating factor, but not insurmountable.

I don't know, just doesn't seem like it's worth the hassle for either team.

BEN:

Agreed. It makes me wonder if there is a third team, or some other contingency lurking. That being said, if Donnie Walsh wants to give up Nate Robinson for Bill Walker instead of Eddie House, more power to him.

I continue to be confused by the faith everyone has in J.R. Giddens. Say what you want about Nate Robinson (and I will), at least he's proven he can score.

MILES:

Is the Cavs' acquisition of Jamison good for the Knicks? Not so much. The Cavs are, by most objective standards, now the odds-on favorite to win the East, possibly the NBA championship. Which would mean LeBron is more likely than ever to stick around next year, instead of jumping ship to New York. Danny Ferry, not surprisingly, out-maneuvered Steve Kerr and Ernie Grunfield to land the one player in the league that best complemented LeBron and his Cavs, demonstrating to his star asset that he's willing to surround him with talent, while cutting no expense in trying to win a title. Basically, everything I was afraid Ferry would do between now and July 1.

It's now up to LeBron to decide where he wants to play next season. Ferry's officially off the hook. Well played, sir.

Also, Darko for Brian Cardinal. Walsh just saved the Dolans $2 million this year. Another job, well, done.

BEN:

Seems like some shit is gonna go down today. I agree with you that Jamison helps Ferry make his case, but look--if LeBron wants to be in a major media market, the Knicks are his chance. The pressure is now on Walsh to put together a team that could legitimately win if LeBron makes the move. If the Knicks move Jeffries today and bring in McGrady--which I think they will--then they'll be in great position this summer. All they have to do is assemble quality pieces, and it seems like, for the first time in 15 years, there is someone with a brain making decisions in their front offices. But a lot is going to come down to what's in LeBron's head, and that's something we may not know even after his next contract is signed.

I think Dwyane Wade would come to New York in a heartbeat, though.

It doesn't sound like the Celtics are going to get their man today. In general, I respect Danny Ainge's talents as a GM, but he still makes me anxious. Ray Allen's expiring contract is at the absolute peak of its value right now. I'm not saying they have to make a deal for him--and I love Ray Allen and would be sad to see him leave--but for a team that was always known to have a brief window to compete in, they better damn well have a plan this summer other than re-signing their aging veterans.

I really hope Darko gets some good minutes with the T'Wolves. I really think he might be the worst draft pick ever. Say what you want about Sam Bowie, at least he never threatened to move to Europe.

A Modest Proposal

UPDATE, MILES:

As Stuart Scott would say: "Booyah!" Just protect the 2012 pick, Donnie, then pull the trigger. Two max free agents are coming to New York this summer. The only question is, which two? LeBron and Bosh? Wade and Bosh? Johnson and Bosh? Wade and LeBron? For my dashed-off hagiography of the great Donnie Walsh, click here. 

That is all. 

I've had it with the Knickerbockers. Last night's loss, a blown 15-point, 4th-quarter lead to the Sacramento Kings, was the clincher. This team needs to be scrubbed clean. No longer in contention for the playoffs, the Knicks are nonetheless facing an important 8-day stretch between now and the NBA's trade deadline. To remain real players in this summer's free agent bonanza, it is imperative for Donnie Walsh to unload Jared Jeffries's contract, a complete albatross for the Knicks, but an otherwise reasonable deal for teams not looking to sign one or two max free agents this summer.

Somewhat serendipitously, then, Yahoo!'s Adrian Wojnarowski reports this morning the Knicks are in semi-serious talks with the Houston Rockets about acquiring the Player Formerly Known As Tracy McGrady, as part of a three-way trade with the Washington Wizards. "The centerpieces of the trade," Wojnarowski reports, "would include the Washington Wizards shipping forward Caron Butler and center Brendan Haywood to the Rockets. The Knicks would send Al Harrington to the Wizards." Wojo also explains the Wizards would need to add another player for the trade to work under the league's Collective Bargaining Agreement. The Wizards might also want a draft pick.

Here's what I'm thinking. The Knicks should send Jeffries, a very good defensive player, to Houston and Darko Milicic's expiring contract, along with the aforementioned Harrington, to Washington, a franchise desperately trying to shed salary. Since Houston, currently in a dog-fight for the playoffs, clearly gets the upper hand in talent (Butler et. al), they'd send their first-round draft pick to Washington. Everybody wins: the Rockets immediately get better, while simultaneously gearing up for Yao's return next season; the Knicks clear some much-needed cap space; and the Wizards start in earnest their much-needed rebuilding phase.

What do you think?

UPDATE: I just read this morning that Jared Jeffries has a $3-million trade kicker in his contract, which somewhat complicates my proposed trade. I'm not sure, though, if the trade kicker would be a total deal breaker.

BEN:

Chris Sheridan has been reporting that Jeffries is a big impediment to a Knicks-TMac deal. From what little I know on the topic, I think McGrady finding his way to MSG is pretty likely, but they may not be lucky enough to move Jeffries. Houston knows they have a valuable commodity, and unless the Knicks are giving them something they can't get anywhere else, I don't see why they would take on an expensive bench player like Jeffries, especially if they're hoping to win next year. If I were running the Rockets, I'd rather have the flexibility to go get the 7th man I needed, rather than the one the Knicks are desperate to be rid of.

That being said, I don't think it's cosmically impossible. After all, the Knicks do need to move more than just Harrington if they want the trade to work under the CBA; and I don't think an extra $3m to Jeffries means much to the Dolans, if they're persuaded that they can go get a player like Bosh or LeBron.

I don't know the NBA trade market like I know baseball, but I'd be pretty damn shocked if McGrady didn't have a new address starting next week. So, why not the Knicks?

MILES:

Well, talk about pouring cold water on a boy's dream. Wojnarowski is now reporting that Washington is in serious talks with Boston about swapping Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison for Ray Allen, Brian Scalabrine and J.R. Giddens. This is a much better deal for Washington than the rumored three-way deal with Houston and New York. Washington gets out from under $24 million next season (as opposed to only $10.5 million in the Houston-New York rumored deal). As for Boston, they get some serious talent in exchange for taking on two pretty serious contracts. 

This sounds like a no-brainer to me. Why would either team say no?

This doesn't necessarily preclude the Knicks from working out a deal with the Rockets for McGrady. You're right about that. It does, however, make a possible transaction between Houston and New York that much more difficult. Why would the Rockets want to exchange expiring contracts, especially those of Al Harrington and Larry Hughes? It doesn't make much sense from either a business or basketball perspective. They'd have every right to ask for more talent. And, if I were Donnie Walsh, I would not even consider parting with Jordan Hill or Wilson Chandler or a future draft pick just to get three months of a rickety Tracy McGrady. 

BEN:

I would not complain if that happened. Does that mean Jamison would be coming off the bench? And 'Sheed would be the 7th or 8th man? It's been 20 years since the Celtics had that kind of depth.

You're right about the Rockets deal, but don't forget that they still have to make a move, and not every team has a $10m expiring contract to move. So anybody looking to be in on this summer's talent sweepstakes should keep the Knicks high up in their rolodex. I could see another team coming into the negotiations--there are more than a few that are ready to start rebuilding.

Words of Advice

I've been know to harbor some ill will toward Master Belichick. His Op-Ed, though, which ran in the New York Times in January 2003, prior to Super Bowl XXXVII, demonstrates a softer side to the normally irascible man in the cut-off hoodie.

Enjoy.

O.K., Champ, Now Comes the Hard Part
By Bill Belichick
Published: January 26, 2003

FOXBORO, Mass.— Thirty-seven thoughts for the victorious coach on today's national holiday:

I. Congratulations, Champion. Yes. Champion.

II. You'll hug your family. But this time, 800 million people will be watching you. Try to remember to fix your hair.

III. You might think back 30 years, when your gofer job entailed picking up Raiders or Oilers game film at the airport at 1 a.m., and then smile because you're at work and there's confetti stuck to your face.

IV. You'll fly home to fans lining the highways and overpasses to greet your team buses.

V. You'll have a downtown parade. It might be raining; you won't notice.

VI. You'll chat with a governor, hear a mayor, dine with the speaker of the house.

VII. Motivational-speaking agencies will guarantee you corporate gigs every week until training camp.

VIII. Maybe the people from the Eclipse Awards (horse racing's Oscars) will invite you to be a presenter.

IX. You'll go through a typical interview, but this time it'll be on the lawn at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. (I hope the president will remember your name, though.)

X. Maybe you'll be the second man in N.F.L. history to coach a long snapper to celebrity status.

XI. Would you do the previously unthinkable and leave Nantucket to spend two days in transit for one night at the ESPY awards in Los Angeles?

XII. You'll get your shot on radio, doing half an inning for the A's or Devil Rays (mine came at Fenway).

XIII. They'll give you the highest honor possible for alumni at your alma mater.

XIV. Maybe you too will hear from your fourth-grade teacher and so many other old friends reminding you of special times.

XV. Then you'll wonder how you could have forgotten the names of so many others who claim to be old friends.

XVI. You're the best, and few can ever say that. Wait until you see the ring! You can count on one hand the moments that top putting that baby on.

Then, suddenly . . .

XVII. You'll try and fail to convince yourself that the work you usually do in late January and February isn't that important.

XVIII. Several of your players (and their agents) will come looking for a little extra at contract time. After all, didn't they make Fantasyland possible? Of course they did. Be ready.

XIX. You'll tiptoe on the line between helping your players forget that they're the champions and helping them remember why they're the champions.

XX. You'll drink your last Hurricane (or whatever they serve in San Diego bars), go to sleep, wake up and find yourself in training camp, consoling a weeping veteran player who, the night before, decided to retire.

XXI. You'll start to worry about your depth at guard, your sixth cornerback, your backup swing tackle.

XXII. You'll stand in front of your team and talk about how different it is being champs, even though you can't truly know the difference yourself yet.

XXIII. Two words, Champ: Last. Year. Get used to them. You may hear them after wins, but you'll be able to set your watch to them after losses.

XXIV. You'll notice that all your opponents know your team a little better than they did this season: they'll hit you a little harder and play a little better when you show up. Deal with it.

XXV. Your players will stick together, sacrifice, do everything you could ask, and your assistant coaches and scouts will work as hard as they did on the way to Fantasyland.

XXVI. But, impossible as it may seem right now, there could be a time when that's not good enough. No really, it's true.

XXII. Then again, maybe it is good enough. Maybe you're even better than everyone thinks right now and you'll do it again. In Fantasyland II, they'll put you up there with Lombardi, maybe even Einstein.

XXVIII. But maybe not. Maybe next season you'll finish tied for first place in the division, but you'll go home anyway because you lost the third tie-breaker.

XXIX. Don't kid yourself, though. That third tie-breaker is a poor excuse.

XXX. Your own shortcomings are real. Red zone problems against Denver. Can't run at Miami. Penalties versus Green Bay. Forget that tie-breaker.

XXXI. You'll hear that the mayor, governor and speaker of the house are all out of office now. You'll think about that reporter, the one who covered your team, when you sit in the sixth row at his funeral. You'll realize how fleeting Fantasyland can be.

XXXII. Remember, the Smart Coach/Moron Coach Meter, which is currently way off the charts in the right direction, can be very moody.

XXXIII. Enjoy the ride, Champ. You're a coach, which means you're incapable of straying too far from the VCR. You're not a Fantasyland guy anyway, so you'll do pretty much what you did when you were 5-11.

XXXIV. You'll do your job because you know in about five minutes you're right back in the pack with the other 31 of us.

XXXV. We're envious, but not of Fantasyland. We're envious because we lost, and you can count on one hand all the things worse than losing.

XXXVI. So, Champ, congratulations.

XXXVII. Now, good luck.

BEN:

This is really all I have to add.